Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Questions I Ask Myself

Bwa! Ha! Ha! I just said that in my witchy voice...
Don't 'cha know, bae?

Bae, by the way, we think means girlfriend or baby. We're at this point not really sure. Where's Justin Bieber when we need him to learn something significant? Seriously. Swag.

Welcome to another strange edition of me interviewing myself...


If there was one thing you could tell everyone regarding your blog, what exactly would it be?

First off, I'm on a roll like Cottonelle...
I don't know a ninja that could cover for me.
I'm not trying to find nobody else to beat.
Can I be exfoliated?
You decide.


Second would be that my writer hat is something I put on figuratively from time to time, but not literally. Can a reporter report these days without getting cast judgment? I'm simply bringing you an interesting view to a story that I may or may not agree with. There are a hundred cookie cutter beauty blogs out there that you could read. Why read mine? What I have is an angle never really seen before. Geez. Doing everything everyone else does doesn't bring the page hits or organic search engine optimization (seo) results to my blog kitchen table. It's super important to think out of the box. Do you want to know how many people are reporting on the same stinking stories? Tons. Will it be you or a media mogul who surfaces to the 1st page of Google search results? Let that idea marinate, friends. Like teriyaki awesome sauce. Just because I do understand that my blog could possibly not be your cup of tea, doesn't mean I'll ever close up the blogging shop. I appeal to some and that's all I really care about. Am I a strange bird? Do some of you not like the numerous pop culture references or not even know what a hashtag is? Of course. I do, however, completely understand that my target demographic I'm trying to appeal to are female humans aged 18 to 35. What, what? Holler...

Are you the same meeting you in person versus your writing style? 

Absolutely not. Most would probably say I'm extremely boring yet professional in real life. I also show up at Walmart dressed like a role model for peopleofwalmart.com occasionally. But that's neither here nor there.

What over-the-counter beauty products are you just dying inside to try?

L'Oreal Paris Miss Manga in Blackest Black, Waterproof. Also, these two bad boys that I happened to shoot while I was Walmartyr-ing...

What do you value in life?
My kids. Family. God. Bettering society through making people laugh and feel better about their uniqueness. The same things that you do. Everyone has a gift. People are so serious and the news channels are depressing. I also value beauty and/or makeup because it makes me feel better about myself personally. I'm not too crazy. Beauty can't make you have a pretty inside unless you eat the makeup anyway. A wise man bird said that once... I swear.

Why all the weird Twitter accounts?

You know what? I love America and trust me when I tell you that all hashtags are relevant. They're stand alone money makers. Some sell their tweets or entire accounts. Not saying that I'll ever do the same. However, they do have value and I feel like managing people's comments is not only awesome, but is also my declaration as to why I love America in the first place. It's my own personal social experiment that will show the world why exactly social media is important. Quick. Someone give me a blog reality show & I'll broadcast the coolness based on something actually intellectual and the viewers might learn something awesomely valuable as a result. I'm also here to show other genius people that they can do eet, Waterboy. Don't read me if you have a problem with me expressing my Constitutional Amendment to free speech. That's the beauty of the USA & the very least thing I can do to express my love for our country & military. If it wasn't for them supporting a democratic system, I couldn't sit here typing on my computer to tell you how I feel. While I might not be curing cancer, I am spreading tons of love. You never know what your one Twitter interaction could mean to someone. That, my friend, is awesome sauce topped with awesome sauce, just stated the founder and owner at the Department of Redundancy Department.

The past two years summed up by a girl:

Word It Out
Don't forget Israel & Russia, my boos...

Have you ever wished your life would change?
Obviously, my Iggy.

What do you want your readers to do this exact very second?

Live long and prosper, Party Spock. Work hard so one day you can play hard. Make it rain eventually. The economy still stinks and don't let someone else's ignorance dictate who you're destined to be one day. Whoa-man and don't marry an axe murderer. Work on yourself. Don't forget that we have less horses and bayonets than we did in 1916. Now get this work, my Iggy. These are fab rules to live by, friends. 

Hustle Gang.

Binders full of women who actually bindered men first
A.K.A. Ima Change Yo Life

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