This post might as well be called another "confessions of a makeup artist" because I'm describing myself to a perfect T. Any who, let's start this countdown... Shall we?
You know you're ghetto fab if...
Instead of just having a sandwich bag full of condiments tucked neatly into where you house your eggs, you've got a whole deli meat drawer full like so:
Who needs a whole soy sauce jar, anyway?
It takes you months to replace your favorite blush. Just use some lipstick. Done and dunnerer.
Kiss me on my cheeks, please! I beg you!
Other cute clip arts available here.
You shop at the Dollar Tree more than once a week. Corporations in China are blossoming due to your insolence. Please also allow me to note that there are awesomely priced cosmetic goodies housed here & you just gotta' go more often since their inventory always changes. This week's beauty must haves: Salon Selectives shampoo & conditioner as well as Sinful Colors nail polishes. They're a dollar! Holler!
The above title of this post pretty much explains it. Why the heck should you care what others think about you? Seriously. I see you over there with your big girl panties on & me thinks you understand the definition of what a hater is.
In case you've got a case of the Mondays (like me),
please allow me to enlighten your life with some wise words... written obviously not by me on a Monday...
However, one question remains.... why is Icona Pop crashing her car into the bridge? From the sound of it, shouldn't they of just ran over the ex-boyfriend instead?!
If you've never tried a concealer pen, you just may want to hop on the bandwagon. Actually, I'll even go as far as saying that you need to try these bad boys at least once in your life.
#YOLO.
Here are a few reasons why I love concealer pens:
They are portable! Oh, please don't tell me you've never done your makeup in the car...
They're small enough to put in almost any type purse you have. No one needs to know that this is my little secret for whatever funkiness may occur with my face throughout the day. Oops. Now everyone knows. Oh well. Secrets like these cannot be contained.
They provide coverage. Duh, said the founder & owner at the Department of Redundancy Department.
They illuminate to give you a glorious instant eye lift. Most are formulated with light refracting pigments which will lighten even some of your darkest blemishes and under-eye bags.
Maybelline's Dream Lumiconcealer is gel based, so it's fairly safe to say that even if you have crow's feet under your eyes, the product won't cake in the wrinkles.
No old "bag" ladies here!
Target is also offering free shipping via their online site for orders over $50.
Kids say the darndest things. Am I right or am I right?!
Sure, parents all over this universe think that their kid is the cutest thing since Justin Bieber was birthed. But seriously, mine's the cutest & I will scream it to this earth, the entire galaxy & to infinity and beyond. (Cue in Buzz Lightyear!)
It just so happens that occasionally I watch YouTube. Shocker. I know.
Any who, we were all around the computer & put the original "Girl On Fire" by Alicia Keys video on. Shortly after the chorus, my six year old goes, "Oh no! Quick! This girl is on fire! Somebody grab the water & put her out!" I about died. I laughed so hard that I probably could of gone into cardiac arrest erstwhile peeing my pants.
Now let's move on to a couple days ago...
"Mommy, you know if when I grow up and don't have a lot of money, I'm just going to live in a box. Or a shelter with a tent over it so I don't get wet." Dear God, let's hope not I think to myself.
Me thinks this little one thinks homelessness could be compared to playing camp in a tree house.
"No, honey. You will have money because you're very smart. You've got your whole life in front of you to decide what you'll do for a career & I have no doubt you'll be successful. (Because Mommy's screwed up so much in her life that she won't let you go down those paths... lol.) And if you don't have money, you'll just keep living in our house until you have the money to get your own." Now, let's move on to last night...
"Mommy, are we friends with China? And does Japan speak Chinese or what?"
I paused to think about how I could answer this fully loaded question. I told him that pretty much the USA is friends with most every country, except North Korea. China speaks Chinese & Japan speaks Japanese. The Koreas speak Korean and so on. Yeah. You try explaining what different dialects are to a six year old. Then also try to explain what a dictator is versus a democracy. It ain't easy. Not to mention it's an awkwardly uncomfortable conversation.
"So, can I go visit North Korea?" Ummm, not if I have anything to do with it.
"OK, well I want to visit Japan instead." Very well, very well indeed. Give me a moment to just tell you all that it is so sad that at the tender age of six, this kid has to learn that not every country operates like America. I mean, who really wants to tell their children that other countries want to not only kill them, but wipe them off the face of the entire planet? We are so blessed to have food, tolerance, love & respect for one another in this country. Praise the United States! Amen.
Anyway, the next time your kid won't eat his delicious & abundantly provided dinner, just tell him that there are kids starving in third world countries. I grew up hearing this rhetoric & now I tell my own kids that. I'm still alive to talk about it. Maybe with a little extra poundage around the saddlebag area, but oh well. At least I have food to feed not only myself but also my kids. Watching the tube yesterday, I saw North Korean children picking up crumbs from the dirt & putting it in their mouths. It's a seriously sad situation over there. God bless & protect them.
Today is April 10th & I don't know what North Korea has in store for this day or days after. But they did warn embassies to evacuate before this date. So, if I haven't told you lately... I love you guys. And I love my children. Thanks for reading this ridiculousness I call this blog & let's all invest in some gas masks...
Make Up For Ever Aqua Eyes Liner, $18 In "3L" (Navy) Available Here.
Navy colored eyeliners are just soo pretty on pretty much everyone. Make Up For Ever Aqua Eyeseyeliner is a great option for if you want to rock that bronzy beach look, sans the "A raccoon just punched me in the face & when he did, he somehow magically became me" look. Choose this as your waterproof eyeliner and beach Yoda will tell you that with you, the fab force is. Finish off your navy blue eyeliner look with bronzer, a copper-peach cheek, golds on the eyes & nude on the lips.
Brown eyes- try navy in "3L". Green eyes- try plum in "4L". Blue eyes- try bronze in "2L" or "10L". Furthermore, if you're still convinced that a raccoon will stalk & then become you while swimming, try your eyeliner on just one part- either the top or the bottom of the eye &... voila! 1/2 THE MESS = 1/2 THE WORRIES. Still worried about what you look like at the beach? No convincing works on you, ehh? Then allow me to introduce you to the General who will then introduce you to Dos Equis. Viva the moving eyeliner resistance!
