Baby, do you dare to do this?
Cuz' I'm coming at you like a dark horse... with a bayonet... Obviously.
Katy Perry keeps blowing my mind with all this horse magic. I was totally expecting a witchy undertone to this video. Then, last week she came out with this iPhone app called Dark Horse Cam by AmCam and that's when Queen Katy Nefertiti Perry took her throne.
Check out that app by the way! It takes your photos and makes them look all fun and Egyptian and stuff. Mister Ed desperately wants to take some selfies.
So, at this current status I am really upset I don't have an iPhone. Also, a makeup tutorial on this makeup look for Halloween next year would be awesome. Now, who wants to be on my YouTube channel so I can do it on someone? Please! I beg you! I shall beg until I can do someone's eyes up like that.
This is insane!
Below I give you ten hours jam packed with What Does The Fox Say.
There really are no words that describe how strangely excited I am about the fact that this video exists...
Now I give you fashionable base jumping in Roberto Cavalli!
This might be the coolest way to sell some clothes, like ever. Roberta Mancino is a professional model as well as a professional skydiver, wingsuit flyer and base jumper. Below all her loves and interests are combined. The result is some deliciousness like I've never seen before.
Finally...
Take a gander at this millennial tribute to Dark Horse by Katy Perry. Hopefully it will hold you over until the music video comes out. Today is the day, my Kittie Purries!
So, why are these controversial video choices of the week, yo? First off, let's talk for a small second about the twerk a werk nation. Strippers, twerking and B words = controversial to the max. Meanwhile, they leave little for the imagination. Don't even get mad at me. I didn't make these videos. I'm simply reporting on the deliciousness. Don't get me wrong because I love Rihanna and Britney, hence why I felt the need to post them. All I will say is that molested foam fingers and latex bikinis are hard to compete against. Oh, dear college football twerker... you're a player. And I'm the coach.
Happy Friday, y'all. Now which of you ladies, moms or dads have wanted to spank Bieber lately? His fan girl beliebers would like to spank him probably in a more 50 shades of grey type of way, but that's neither here nor there. Well, below Zach Galifianakis calls all us Beliebers "Beaners". This small hint leads me to believe Justin's going to release a new album in espanol. The first single will feature shouts outs to Netflix and Juicy J of course will lay down the fire lyrics regarding lollipops. Justin of course will sing the chorus of "Hola, Puerto Rico!" He will then give some rap shout outs to Mexico while eating ten tamales drizzy Drake drizzled with hot sauce in an El Camino... Finally, Justin will finish the song by taking pics of your girl, even though she's not a model & then make her call him Papi... or Rick James...
Check out the music video "Lolly" here. What do you think? Other than the fact that Justin just needs to go ahead and throw out all the shirts in his closet? He does, indeed, look good shirtless. Personally, I think all the chicks and guys look way too young to be dancing or talking about lollipops in such a way. Good were the days when lollipops were simply sugar on a stick. Throwbacks to the 1980's, friends!
Finally, Kanye & Jimmy Kimmel are feuding. Click here&hereto hear all about it. Then to make you shed a slight tear for something a little more worthwhile, click hereto learn more about what good Justin Bieber is doing in the world. He's been bringing awareness to a great cause. We've gotta' admit... he's a good guy. If you were that rich and famous at his tender teen age, wouldn't you be doing some nonsense? Praise the Lord social media wasn't around when I was a teenager. For real. Communication, both good and bad, moves at the speed of light these days. And haters are going to hate. Why? It's what they do. Duh.
Dude, God Bless the Internet...
Male humans are making Miley Cyrus wrecking ball parody videos & we find them wildly entertaining! You still might not be able to put the toilet seat down, but you're making us laugh so it's all good. Now when you make me laugh so hard & have to run to the toilet to wee, I can fall in. Awesome sauce.
There's just something hilariously awkward about
men swinging on wrecking balls.
Take a gander, friends...
King the Kid is ahh-mazing at singing! Am I right or am I right?!
Yup. Yup. Apparently it's work day around these parts!
It's not typical for this bloggy bloggerson to post the cussy words, but there's just no edited version of this newly released Britney Spears song yet. Below is the audio du jour.
Iggy Azalea is like the white girl version of Nicki Minaj. For riz-eals, yo.
Now... if I could just twerk my bum like her, I firmly believe 90% of my problems in life could be solved.
Then I'd say, "Quick! Break out your video camera. Someone pass me a smelly animal mascot costume & let's upload this dancing loveliness to the YouTubey."
Did you know Britney Spears & Miley Cyrus Latex Pants are collaborating on Miley's new album "Bangerz"?! I am, indeed, excited about this!
Mind = Blown
Even me and my Ulta Beauty friends had full on discussions about twerking tutorials. Look me in my eyes. I'm not lying about this. Dedicated to you all, and you know who you are, I posted the below "How To" in your honor. Love you all! xoxoxo
Ummm... like....
if I were indeed a man with Channing Tatum type moves.
Yeah...
Any who, web spiders and web crawlers do exist & if you're not careful they will either bite you in your search engine optimization butt, or will they? Technically, we can't see them. This is fact, people. Not to mention their algorithms change all the time.
Did I already lose you at hello? First, let's start off in the Spiderman Saga when plain old Peter Parker existed. Back in the day, Peter Parker only knew print media. Ya' know... printed stuff.
Now thanks to the spider bite, we have these things called the Internets (per George Bush). The Internet grows like a spider web via links (a.k.a. hyperlinks), articles, social media sites, blogs, websites & impressions.
So, now you're all like "Hey, Peter Parker! I'm new around these parts. How can my business get bitten by these infamous spidery web crawlery things? I, too, want to move up the ranks to get on the first page during a Google search."
Friends, the key to moving up organically (meaning "free") in the ranks is to be mindful of these venomous spiders. If you're paying for ad words, that's fine. Personally, I try to not pay for anything as it decreases my bottom line. Spiders and web crawlers are instructed to search for fresh content and meta tags. I read a statistic the other day that 44% of all web searches are considered "new" a.k.a. something some one's never ever considered searching before with regards to the terms. To get this down to a science would require you paying a boat load of money in ad words that to you, sound ridiculous at the very least.
You want my advice?
Be up front with any bloggers that write articles for you. There are things bloggers can do with labels and tags on the back end of their blogging platform which can optimize the article to match what you're paying for in ad words.
I'm no algorithm, but also mentioning your key words or ad words in an article at least five times increases your chances.
Generally speaking, I know several small businesses who don't even have a website yet. Start a website!
Start a blog. Open up a "Blog" page tab from your business website & watch the magic happen. Even if you can't write daily on your business blog, at least come up with a schedule for your marketing efforts and then stick to it. So many businesses never touch their website or even update it. You know what? Outdated information becomes confusing to your customer. Bottom line. Not to mention, new blog posts get the venomous spiders to "crawl" on your site.
Pick your favorite social media sites and become a beast on them. Permanently coding hashtags relating to the ad words you're paying for will make you Spiderman. Oh, you're on Twitter? Put those key words in your profile, yo. Better yet, start associating yourself with other hashtags. Think of it like a game. Here's what goes through my mind... oooh, such and such is trending. Let me hashtag tweet that with a funny pic & then drop my hashtag as well. You, sir, stand a chance of getting re-tweeted & you socially associate yourself with the trendy coolness. Things go viral sometimes in seconds. Harness that venom & please remember that no-one, including their mom, wants to spend time reading something boring. I personally would rather get bit by a venomous spider and spend my time flailing in desperation from the pain all the way to my death than read your boring status update. Not feeling creative? Then look to what's trendy and play along. This is the importance of a hashtag, people.
Get your business all linked up. Social media sites allow for spots to display your website link & act as leaders to your website. That's awesome, indeed. However, also surrounding yourself with a plethora of trustworthy bloggers is awesome as well. You can get them to not only write about you and link you up, but they can also match your PR and marketing efforts beautifully. Sometimes, especially in my profession, people want to know how many in-house links you have dropping your name or business or whatever. Hypothetically speaking, these other in-links contribute to your total website's reach and/or potential. It's like adding you and your contacts plus them & their contacts. Permanent links rock harder than that horse of yours with the bayonet attached to his head. Take Mama Horses and Bayonets for example. I'm a one-man show/stable and rarely have the time to edit my stuff, therefore eliminating the possibility that I may in the future un-link you.
Marketing is essential in all business. It's equally important to keep up with the younger generations. They're the wave of the future and possible customers of yours. Hire a pro which will take all your venomous social media pain away. It's a heck of a lot cheaper to hire someone for a couple hundred dollars a month via outsourcing than to put someone on your permanent payroll which requires at least $40K annually. I am available for consulting, by the way. Simply look to your right & drop me a few lines via the "Contact Me" widget. In this economy, the more moolah the merrier for Mr. Ed. Again, he's got a serious sharks with laser beams situation that needs to be addressed. Not to mention he's been bitten by those venomous social media webby spiders. Marvel's newest character on the block is totally Spider-Centaur-Man, who can either take you out by web or maneur slinging.
Enjoy.
Then, join the Avenger Initiative. We are the crazy people ;o)
Ooh, la la... baby don't be shy.
Baby come with me & I can help take you on vacay!
I can take you up. I can take you home.
Girl, where you wanna go with these travel size beauties?!
Comment below the post or tweet to @makeupthebay with #TravelSizesRock to enter the giveaway.
With that being said, Dos Equis should give me a lifetime supply of this ballistic, bayonet-supporting beverage. Just so you know, a bayonet could technically be thrown or launched into what one would call a ballistic missile...
Anyway...
As long as you la la la la la la la love Q-tips, read on my darlings!
Q-tips Precision Tips, $3.29
Get them here from Walgreens.
The first person to comment below this blog post or tweet to @makeupthebay with #qtips gets a pack of Precision Tips as well as a purse pack of Q-tips.
Q-tips Purse Pack around $.99
Mostly found in-store @ major retailers
Precision Tips are awesome for manicures because they're more precise & less cottony at the tip. The purse packs are awesome for traveling, purses in general and especially on-location makeup artists.
If I said your smokey makeup look could look better by way of Q-tips, would you hold it against me?
(I think not.)
It's fairly easy to mess up a cat eye winged eyeliner look. It's also really hard when working with dark eye shadows to ensure that you don't end up looking like a raccoon by the end of the application.
Today's giveaway is for The Makeup Guard Card! YES!
The first person to comment right below this post or tweet to @makeupthebay with #makeupguardcard gets it. Hit me up, baby... just one time!
This song is so amazing. It inspires my radioactiveness. I shall listen to it probably another 50 times today alone. I'll elaborate on the radioactiveness since some of you, like me, have a complete and total case of the Mondays.
What makes you radioactive?It's that one special thing that we're all capable of. It's also the culmination of our entire existence, mixed with our dreams and then brought forth into reality. Watching Draw My Life by some of my idols makes me feel not so bad about my life. By the way, Draw My Life is on YouTube for the computerly challenged. These guys I watched today are living their YouTube dreams. Michelle Phan even has an entire lifestyle network she'll be launching soon called "FAWN". How amazeballs is that?! You can read more here about it & be sure to watch the "My Next Chapter" You Tube video. Anyway, my point is that no matter where you live or what circumstances may have brought you to this point, you yourself can recognize your talent. So let me ask you a question...
Even though it's Monday, are you going to waste your talent? What if today was your last day on this precious planet? How do you want to be remembered? Did you make your dreams a reality? Did you live to the fullest? Did you act as a contributor or as a detriment to the general good of all humankind?
Hopefully, humankind can recognize I've got a knack for makeup. I am here to tell all the young girls that a healthy dose of sense of self is important. If makeup happens to be your self-esteem catalyst to make you feel better about yourself, then so be it! Rock on with that woman power.
If Michelle Phan would of let her problems bring her down, do you think we'd be sitting here right now talking about her YouTube channel? Or the FAWN network she's creating? I doubt it. What Michelle has done is amazing and highly admirable. Where a lot of people get caught up is in the "how are they going to achieve their dreams", she probably just believes.
Like so many people that grow up, their lives aren't perfect, girls and boys both included. But it's important to visualize your end dream. You don't need to know every step you take toward that goal. This is called faith. But you do need to take the next step even though you may not be able to see the stair in the air. Maybe it's simply wearing some camouflage, or maybe God wants you to take a small detour to get there. The truth of the matter is that most billionaires didn't know they would become so stinking rich. They simply visualized their end goal & kept working toward it. Any person in any profession can do this. It's called your outlook on life. I know I could personally be a lot more toward my end goal of financial comfortableness if I didn't dwell on my case of the Mondays. So what if it's just one article? It's one step closer and that's all that really matters. However, since it is a Monday, I'd totally be down for watching muppets beat up some more dog and cock fighting ring leaders, like all day long. Those animals did nothing to deserve this inhumane behavior. They just want to be loved! If you can't be nice to all God's creatures, then we should be able to send you somewhere where eye for an eye justice is delivered. Any who, tangent averted.
Back to the point, I don't have it all down, but I do know I'm working toward a greater goal. For me the goal is being able to live comfortably with my kids. So many marriages and relationships are ruined by financial problems & I can't stand it. I don't need to be a millionaire, although it would be nice. Let's be honest. All I want is to not have to worry about going in debt over going to the gas station for daily coffees. Notice I didn't even say Starbucks. Surely that's like a $150 a month habit, which I know I can't afford! I'll be the first to admit I'm on a budget. It would feel so nice being able to let my kids throw a few unnecessary items into the grocery cart every once in a while. Word up. Yo.
Any who, even though I feel extremely uninspired today, I shall indeed press the "Publish" button. On a total case of the mundane Mondays, you too can make your own civilization. Hopefully somewhere between a little bit of humble and a little bit of cautious. Perception is reality, peeps. Start the flag raising...
Furthermore, lemme' get a living room on wheels for Mondays, yo! That couch in the video plus me on my laptop equals Monday awesomeness!
If you could tweet to@BattleofStrands
& let them know you're rooting for Fabulous Hair by Egla & @makeupthebay
to win!
We will love you forever & would be eternally grateful. Consider yourself not bench pressed by Michelle Obama's Arms. Furthermore, Mr. Ed is giving me his word he won't ever bayonet you due to the unfair attachment of close combat weaponry to his head. It's a serious sharks with laser beams situation that I strongly feel needs to be addressed...
Click here for more about the competition. Click here for more info about the Premiere Beauty Show in Orlando.
Also,
since it's #FF, which stands for "Follow Friday" (for the hashtag challenged)...
please feel free to follow any of these recommendations. They just happen to be all up in this competition. Feel free to let these guys know you're rooting for us!
Needing to feel inspired?
Jam out on this, courtesy of DJ Penetration. He's totes amazing!
Then, revel in the fact it's #ThorThursday.
Follow #ThorThursday on Twitter, y'all.
2 / 7 days of hotness claimed because Channing Tatum owns Tuesdays with the whole #TatumTuesday thing...
"Obviously we like that, too." - just said the founder & owner over at the Department of Redundancy Department.
5 more days to go, friends. Holler! Creative ideas wanted. I suppose Edward Erryday could clear the whole situation up for us, but let's get creative here. Shall we?
Sorry. I can't help that there's this little gangster that lives inside my head right next to Pinky and the Brain. Look here, friends. I know I'm white. You know I'm white. But just because I'm white doesn't mean I'm rockin' the emo look & trying to bring the band Nirvana back together. I listen to all genres. That's the honest to God truth. However, if I had to pinpoint where my gangster influences came from, I'd have to thank my former jazz and hip hop dance teachers as well as cheer leading coaches. Without them, my will to drop a beat could not have been made possible. I'd also like to thank Biggie, Outkast, Snoop Dogg, LL Cool J, Master P, Eazy E, Dr. Dre, Wu Tang Clan, 50 Cent, Ludacris, Nelly & Tupac for droppin' that influential fire. Now I sound like I'm accepting some white girl gangster of the year award. Heh. Heh. You can stop booing me in your heads during this acceptance speech since my computer screen can't technically hear you. Ya' huurd me?!
Furthermore, all these rappers have taught me to be real while chasin' that paper. What?! Is it so bad to want to be iced out, drinkin' Cristal in the back of your Maybach? Me thinks not. Probably the coolest and most notable thing that comes from rappers is their will to succeed, no matter if you come from the ghetto or Beverly Hills 90210. Dream. Believe. Achieve. You can do it. You can do it all night long! These rappers are living proof.
Enjoy.
Bridgit Mendler is totally rocking the cat eye winged eyeliner look. She's also doing it in this video in a way that's completely appropriate for daytime and work combined. I just love her and could eat her up like she was a Godiva chocolate. Do I watch Good Luck Charlie? Ummm, is the Pope Catholic? Yes, of course my family watches this adorable show. If there was a way for her and Justin Bieber to become a serenading alarm clock, I could be assured that every day would be a good day. Then, on the opposite side of the spectrum are the morning makeup mishaps that make me want to climb back into my pajamas, lay in bed & simply give up on life. If I had to compare the annoying eyeshadow falloff that occurs when foundationing first, then glamming it up with dark eye shadows later, it would have to be none other than a hurricane. I used to tell people to put translucent loose powder underneath their eye to avoid this hurricane category 5 mess... that is, until I met the Makeup Guard Card by OllieGirl.
The Makeup Guard Card, set of 2, $8.95
Get it here.
While it's true that makeup artists are professionals at what they do, most makeup artists also understand that most of the women living on Planet Earth are not as skilled as they themselves are. It's not even that you can't eventually get to that skill level. It's just that makeup artists do makeup for several hours a day, day in and day out.
Furthermore, having worked in retail cosmetics for quite some time, allow me to shed some light on retail makeup situations. Not everyone you see in front of you is sitting at the same skill level. There are some out there that remain employed, but seriously need this tool to further their skills.
In comes a perfect invention called the Makeup Guard Card!
Have you ever sat there looking at yourself in the mirror right after you came home from a major makeup purchase? Sure, the makeup artist at the store made you look nothing short of your best. But how are you going to replicate it, my friend?
The amazing designer Wylder Flett & celebrity makeup artist Donna Forsythe decided to put their different business expertise together. They then got business married and started olliegirl.com. Awesome, right?!
So...
All looks created with help from the miracle
Makeup Guard Card.
What can you expect from this company in the future, my darling?
It was with great pleasure that I got the chance to speak with Donna & Wylder. Per the owners themselves, you can expect tools and inventions that not only complement this card, but also streamline makeup applications by women everywhere... making the process easier, quicker & more simplified.
Did I mention these cards are dishwasher safe & extremely sanitary? Who doesn't like that?
So, hop on the bandwagon. I've already claimed shotgun...
Somewhere Paris Hilton is screaming, "That's hot!"
Ummm, Maybelline Color Sensational Vivids lipsticks...
Maybelline Color Sensational Vivids, $7.49
"Vibrant Mandarin"
Available BOGO 50% off at ULTA.
are you listening to me?
I need your lip love.
Dearest Maybelline,
Please send me like every stinkin' color you make in this lip line. I am beyond enthused with their brightness like I just got drunk off of neon highlighter sharpies or something. My lips come alive & need to be free with these tubes of lipstick like yesterday. I even used the hot orange color on a bride this past weekend during her reception to brighten things up.
My most recent purchase of these little pieces of heaven came from ULTA. They were BOGO 50% off, so I bought "Vibrant Mandarin" & "Vivid Rose".
I'll take it. Done and dunnerer.
Please also take the time to note the nice smell that accompanies these spring pocket wonders.
So, the real question remains...
Why'd you buy another "Vivid Rose" tube, woman?
Let's just say that the first time I ever put my purse within my two year old daughter's reach, she somehow manages to go through it very ninja style. Five minutes later, I'm gasping for the makeup remover made with oils because the ruckus she caused on her face was serious business. It's okay. The cuteness of the entire tube being worn & smushed all over her little face was totally worth it.
Maybe she's worth it. Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she's Maybelline!
The above title of this post pretty much explains it. Why the heck should you care what others think about you? Seriously. I see you over there with your big girl panties on & me thinks you understand the definition of what a hater is.
In case you've got a case of the Mondays (like me),
please allow me to enlighten your life with some wise words... written obviously not by me on a Monday...
However, one question remains.... why is Icona Pop crashing her car into the bridge? From the sound of it, shouldn't they of just ran over the ex-boyfriend instead?!
Kids say the darndest things. Am I right or am I right?!
Sure, parents all over this universe think that their kid is the cutest thing since Justin Bieber was birthed. But seriously, mine's the cutest & I will scream it to this earth, the entire galaxy & to infinity and beyond. (Cue in Buzz Lightyear!)
It just so happens that occasionally I watch YouTube. Shocker. I know.
Any who, we were all around the computer & put the original "Girl On Fire" by Alicia Keys video on. Shortly after the chorus, my six year old goes, "Oh no! Quick! This girl is on fire! Somebody grab the water & put her out!" I about died. I laughed so hard that I probably could of gone into cardiac arrest erstwhile peeing my pants.
Now let's move on to a couple days ago...
"Mommy, you know if when I grow up and don't have a lot of money, I'm just going to live in a box. Or a shelter with a tent over it so I don't get wet." Dear God, let's hope not I think to myself.
Me thinks this little one thinks homelessness could be compared to playing camp in a tree house.
"No, honey. You will have money because you're very smart. You've got your whole life in front of you to decide what you'll do for a career & I have no doubt you'll be successful. (Because Mommy's screwed up so much in her life that she won't let you go down those paths... lol.) And if you don't have money, you'll just keep living in our house until you have the money to get your own." Now, let's move on to last night...
"Mommy, are we friends with China? And does Japan speak Chinese or what?"
I paused to think about how I could answer this fully loaded question. I told him that pretty much the USA is friends with most every country, except North Korea. China speaks Chinese & Japan speaks Japanese. The Koreas speak Korean and so on. Yeah. You try explaining what different dialects are to a six year old. Then also try to explain what a dictator is versus a democracy. It ain't easy. Not to mention it's an awkwardly uncomfortable conversation.
"So, can I go visit North Korea?" Ummm, not if I have anything to do with it.
"OK, well I want to visit Japan instead." Very well, very well indeed. Give me a moment to just tell you all that it is so sad that at the tender age of six, this kid has to learn that not every country operates like America. I mean, who really wants to tell their children that other countries want to not only kill them, but wipe them off the face of the entire planet? We are so blessed to have food, tolerance, love & respect for one another in this country. Praise the United States! Amen.
Anyway, the next time your kid won't eat his delicious & abundantly provided dinner, just tell him that there are kids starving in third world countries. I grew up hearing this rhetoric & now I tell my own kids that. I'm still alive to talk about it. Maybe with a little extra poundage around the saddlebag area, but oh well. At least I have food to feed not only myself but also my kids. Watching the tube yesterday, I saw North Korean children picking up crumbs from the dirt & putting it in their mouths. It's a seriously sad situation over there. God bless & protect them.
Today is April 10th & I don't know what North Korea has in store for this day or days after. But they did warn embassies to evacuate before this date. So, if I haven't told you lately... I love you guys. And I love my children. Thanks for reading this ridiculousness I call this blog & let's all invest in some gas masks...
