RNC 2012: Make it Rain, Literally



Fairy Dust Party Favors, $5.99
Get it Here!

With the Republican National Convention in Tampa this year, strippers are here in droves, y'all!

They've spoken to God and asked for an all natural way to make more money while in town. You know God disapproves of casually bumpin' uglies. So, on the eighth day God created Hurricane Isaac. Rest assured knowing that most strip clubs in Tampa offer three things:

1. Shelter from the Storm
2. Food such as Fillet Mignon's
3. and finally, an Entertaining Good Time.

I could think of worse ways to spend weathering the storm out. Men everywhere are R.S.V.P.-ing to this particular Hurricane Party. This puts my 12 pack of beer, case of water, chips, dip and battery operated FM radio to shame. Alas, I should incorporate this gem:

Peekaboo Spinning Dance Pole Kit, $149.99
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A Spinning Dance Pole Kit!

What I found most intriguing from this article was that Republicans spend more on average at strip clubs compared to their liberal buddy Democrats!

Republicans: $150

Democrats: $50

I thought for sure this statistic would be opposite. I guess those Republicans  really do "party like a liberal" behind closed doors, lol.

Click for CNN article.


Any who, welcome to Tampa... where the "poles stay open all night!"

So, you want to know if those party favors pictured above are made with cosmetic grade glitter? For that, I do not know. Whether or not you can put this on your face I have no idea. Friends, there is a difference between glitters: regular and cosmetic grade. Cosmetic grade glitters are ground up way, way, way finer! They are less likely to cause eye discomfort. Remember, the bigger the glitter is... the more dangerous it is to put on your face. Search my blog for cosmetic grade glitters.

Make it rain glitter!

Luv,
~J.~

Caution: Rocking Out May Bite

Doesn't Prince Harry know about the West Nile Virus spreading across the U.S.?!

47 States Now Affected.

Click Here for what the CDC is saying...

 

Several mockeries of the Prince's pose are circulating around the Internet. The Sun UK, Rupert Murdoch's news house published this funny one a couple days ago. However, now going against a request from St. James Palace, The Sun publishes the goods!

Published Today in The Sun...
Click Here for Actual Prince Harry Photos.

 

 The mockingbirds pose for a photo making them "front page nudes"!


Dear Prince Harry,
I am all for your nakedness. What's the point of being a wealthy prince if you can't enjoy some fun with the ladies?! It's a shame someone sold you out. Watch out for those triflin' hoes. Next time your security guards should check everyone's phones at the door. What happened to those "old fashioned" groupies who only did it for the bragging rights?

~J.~


Any hoots,
Please protect yourself before you wreck yourself! I don't want to see anyone dying that I know.

Do you have West Nile Virus?
Interested in knowing the symptoms to look for?

Click Here.


California Baby Bug Repellent Spray, $13.50
An All-Natural Choice for babies and adults alike!
Get it Here.
 

Avon Aerosols, Was $16.00 / ON SALE NOW $5.99!
Here's bug spray, no SPF.
Get Avon Here.
 



With SPF

Le Teint Touche Éclat by YSL

Oh my gosh!
I am so excited to share with you that YSL Touche Eclat Concealer has a new best friend... Le Teint Touche Eclat Foundation!



Straight from YSL, they describe the foundation as:

"For the first time, the magic light of Touche Éclat is in a foundation. Infused in a weightless fluid, Touche Éclat foundation targets shadowy areas and highlights the contours of the face. With buildable coverage and free of opaque fillers, this foundation's perfecting texture evens the complexion and helps conceal imperfections, enhancing your skin's natural beauty. Available in 17 shades with SPF19 broad spectrum UVA/UVB protection."

Le Teint Touche Eclat Foundation, $55
Get it Here...

"Buildable coverage" means that you can get a light to full coverage depending on the brush you use, FYI. It also means it won't get cakey if you layer it.

This foundation comes in 17 shades. I'll even go as far as to say this foundation will most likely match all skin types. Even the most unique ones.

Super exciting!


Right now YSL online is offering free shipping on all orders, no matter what price. If you subscribe to their e-mail list you'll also get 10% off your first order. Follow my link above for the best price out there.

Also...

 

If you're not already a member of the cult following for the Touche Eclat Concealer, you've got to at least try it. It's a cute, portable pen that is just perfect to throw in your bag for touch ups. The consistency is lightweight so it's good for teens all the way up to women with fine lines and wrinkles. It also contains light illuminating particles to brighten the overall area.

Conceal like a pro like this:

1. Apply under eyes and only on the darkness.
2. Apply around the inner corners of your eye   > <
3. Conceal spots, being sure to pat on concealer, not smear in... for max coverage.
4. Conceal broken capillaries around the nose.
5. Finally, if you want to go crazy you can put some down the middle of your nose, above the arches of your top lip  ^ ^, and a line just above the eyebrows.

Tip 5 works especially well if your concealer is a shade lighter than your foundation. In this case, apply foundation and then concealer for optimal contouring of the face.

Enjoy your day. Like the Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in your favor.

Luv,
~J.~

How To Appear (More) Skinny 2

Can't we all heed this advice?!

 

In all actuality, we should be at peace with ourselves. But, there's a war a-raging in my brain... I was wondering if it's the same for you.

I say to myself,"Gee, I love you! You're so awesome and fantastic!" Then, one split second later I say, "Go to the gym. Quit laying around the house, ya' big fatty! No pain, no gain!" I then turn on the T.V. since I procrastinate going to the gym. "Ooh, that cheeseburger from BK looks awesome. I need to order one with my bacon sundae next time I go. Wait, it'll just end up on my saddlebags. Might as well smear it in!"

Whether you think you're Angelina Jolie or just want to look like her, below are some MORE ways to appear skinnier. Per your request, of course!

Kymaro New Body Shaper, $29.95

1. Spanx and the Kymaro Body Shaper. Need I say more?

Timing is everything & I am thrilled to announce the deal of a century...

Buy one New Body Shaper & add an additional New Body Shaper, New Bottom Shaper Shorts & Kymaro® Cami for FREE to your order!

Get the Deal Here...


 

2. Wear your workout clothes around, even if you don’t go work out. I do this often. What?! Did I mention they stretch?!  

3. Vitamins always make me feel healthier. Search my blog for "skin healthy supplements".

4. Make up excuses as to why you can't go out so no-one will see that freshman 15. For some of us, it's the new mama 20.

5. Then, start a blog... like I did! (Oh, I can't... I've got articles to write, my Internet broke & computer guy's coming over, etc. The excuses are endless...)

6. Self Tanner. I don't know why, but fat looks great tan. And moisturized. Don't forget to exfoliate your skin before application and focus on the cellulite. Massaging increases circulation.

7. Caffeine is a diuretic. Bye bye water weight.
Click for more info.
I love me some Rockstar Energy drinks! Xdurance with only 10 calories is my favorite these days. I don't need just any energy. I need performance energy, of course! (Lol.)

8. There's also Diurex which you can buy at any pharmacy. Don't use them all the time, though. It's a temporary effect and please note I am not a doctor advocating this for weight loss. Just water weight. Quite perfect for when "Aunt Flow" comes into town.

9. Buy a couple clothes that look and actually are way too big on you. No fat guys in little coats here.

Image: Foxnews.com

10. Pose in the mirror numerous times until you've found a few solid poses you can debut in pics.

Sure, celebrities can go get liposuction whenever they want. But they've all got signature poses and they all know which is their best side. You should, too.

The "Side Angle with a Shoulder Tucked in Forward, Hand on Hip" pose is a fave of mine pictured left. Keira Knightley doesn't really need to be doing it here in this picture! Someone get her a bacon sundae or two.

As always, healthy skinny is the way to go.
Muscles are hot, anorexics are not!

However,
If no one's told you lately... I think you're perfect just the way you are.

Luv,
~J.~

Back To School

This one's for my teacher friends out there...

As we welcome in the new school year, I've gotta' ask...

where did the summer go?!

Children, you will be missed. Now go learn something and teach these Pre-K4 detainees something.



Awesomely funny EPIC Back-To-School FAILS....



Failblog.org

Be careful where you click, dumbness awaits!

Clik abuv. Skool rulz.

Any who, George Bush surfed the Internets again and found some pretty cool back to school supplies. Enjoy.


Spelling Bee King Vocabulary Book, $8.50
Get It Here...

Dan Quayle could of used one of these!

Watch the epic fail here.

Complete with a crown on the front, this vocab book rules for anyone who hates flash cards! This unique book even offers 2 plastic study cut-outs to help with self-study. 5 colors for subject organization to boot!

Front Cover

No girls' pencil case would be complete without this gem of an eraser.
Us girls, we likey the lipstick!


Jeweled Lipstick Erasers, $3.75
Get Them Here...



Sweet Life Stationary Set, $8.45
Yummy, Get it Here...

Now this one's for mommies with a sweet tooth.
With no extra calories.
Yay!



I want each one of these!

Sugary Sweet Charm Pencil, $2.15
Get One or All Here!



Colorholic Pencil Case, $12.85
Get It Here!



These are perfect pencil cases for makeup artists and color enthusiasts everywhere.



Pencil Easel, $23.99
Buy It Here...





Travel Pencil Easel, $12.99
Get It Here...

The pencil easel & travel pencil easel are perfect for makeup! Great for small brushes & liners.

A must for those who like to visually organize their makeup.

The bottom one even has a detachable pouch I say doubles great for a daily makeup pouch to pop in & out of purses.

Water Board Yourself, Dr. Crazy!

What is wrong with capital punishment???

I'm serious...
If you disagree with me on this one, clearly you've not met Dr. Melvin Morse.

This story is not for the faint of heart.

Dr. Melvin & Pauline Morse

Mistaking himself for God, this doctor is accused of water boarding his stepdaughter and practicing "near death experience" research on her, in which he's written several titles that quite frankly I'm not sure anyone really wants to read about.

Who, please tell me... is lining up to read about several near death experiences in children? Adults. Fine. Knock yourself out and do some research, if said participant is willing... I guess. But the thought of going through the death experience with kids several times in a row must be heartbreaking. I wouldn't want to watch a kid go through that even once.

Someone, somewhere needs to get Dexter to give this guy a few near death experiences of his own to write about. What a sicko.

Watch the King Burger Classic!

Let's pause a second and think of a good way to handle this mother of the year, too. Where is her maternal instinct to protect, then harm the piece of crap trying to inflict pain on her own children?! That's her own flesh and blood. Like Bon Qui Qui, I will cut a B if they get too close to my kids! Don't even harm a hair on their head or I will go medieval.

Watch the Video & Read More Here.